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Romance doesn’t have to die or take a back seat just because you’re a parent with a busy schedule. No, I’m not saying it will be easy, but it can be done. Do you want it enough to make it a focus? Get some ideas from Jack and Diane with this article and make this Valentine’s Day a memorable one.
Romantic Tips for Busy Parents
By Susie Collins and Otto CollinsWhether you are a soccer mom, a ballet dad, or a PTA parent, it can be challenging to keep up with the busy schedules of your kids, your work at home, at the office and any free time you might allow for yourself. What about romance and passion with your partner? “Yeah, right” you might cynically say.
Having a meaningful discussion that is not centered on who has piano lessons when or whether or not to call a plumber for a leaky faucet may feel like a thing of the past. And perhaps the spontaneity of kissing, holding hands and lovemaking whenever you want to seems like a distant memory.
If this sounds like your life, don’t despair. You CAN enjoy romance and passion in your marriage or love relationship-even if you have kids that still live with you. It requires intention, creativity and follow-through.
Here’s a little ditty about Jack and Diane. Fell in love, got married and had kids. A decade into their marriage, all seems fine. But in the midst of a bustling family life, there just doesn’t seem to be the time for the intimacy they used to share. Once everyone is fed, bathed, and asleep for the night, both feel exhausted and just not in the mood. Jack might feel resentful that he seems to come last and, while Diane misses connecting with Jack, she may also feel like she needs a break from being needed. Ultimately, they both want more from their relationship but just aren’t sure how to make it happen.
Here are some romantic tips for Jack and Diane and you and your love as well…
Tip #1) Make an Intention for Connection.
Either with your partner or individually, ask yourself how important is it to you to have an intimate connection with your mate? There are no right or wrong answers. Try to think and feel about this question listening only to your heart and not to the voices in your head that may be telling you there just isn’t time right now for that sort of thing.
If you decided that it is important to you to intimately connect more often, more deeply with your love, then make it your intention to do whatever you can to allow for intimacy and passion in your relationship. It can be as simple as affirming to yourself that it is just as important to give attention to your love relationship as it is to get to the gym twice a week.
Tip #2) It’s all about the quality.
It really doesn’t matter how many dinners or midnight lovemaking sessions you manage to fit into your life if you are not fully present. Yes, parents tend to survive learning how to multi-task, but when it comes to intimacy, there just isn’t room for divided attention.
Find a list of friends and family you feel comfortable leaving your kids with and then, when on a date with your partner, leave your kids there! When you find your thoughts and conversation turning to the usual topics of the kids, bills, house chores, etc., change the subject. Maybe you and your partner once enjoyed talking politics together or perhaps it was following a particular sports team. See if these interests still feel exciting to you both or perhaps there are new ones you just haven’t discovered yet.
It is the spark of connecting that is important here-not necessarily what you are connecting about. The same holds true when it comes to lovemaking and any physical intimacy. Do whatever it takes to clear your mind and be right there with your love.
Tip #3) Remember the Follow-through
So Jack and Diane made the intention to connect more passionately and more deeply. They even celebrated this decision by getting away for a romantic weekend and are back home with their kids feeling excited and in love. The tricky part is keeping that excitement going in the every day.
We suggest that while every day may not include passionate love making, every day can be the site for passionate mini-moments. Maybe Jack knows that Diane loves having a back rub at the end of the day and, without being asked, he gives her one regularly. Diane may stroke Jack’s arm or run her fingers through his hair as they pass by each other. Little or bigger touches, kisses and hugs can keep the sense of passion and intimacy fueled.
You might also make a weekly date with your partner for longer connecting time. This might involve lovemaking or just giving each other sensual foot rubs. Whatever you decide, try out different ways of connecting each time and pay attention to the space you are connecting in. A sensual foot rub can be so much more sensual if the stack of diapers and dirty clothes are first put away in a closet and replaced by candles and some favorite music.
The way passion, intimacy and connection looks will be different for every couple. What is important is that you are both fully engaged with and enjoying the romantic moments you create in your relationship. Have fun discovering that it is possible to be a parent AND a passionate partner with your love!
